


My Heavy Heart

by Snowefox



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Anxiety Attacks, Chronic Depression, Depression, F/M, I have no clue where this came, Other, Social Anxiety, Surpise twist
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-15
Updated: 2015-10-15
Packaged: 2018-04-26 12:28:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 967
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5004826
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Snowefox/pseuds/Snowefox
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The monster no one can see that's drowning her without the need of water. She has the two faces the one for the world and the one that only I can see. It was suppose to be one of the good days... but then reality sets in.</p><p>Reader/Favorite Troll</p>
            </blockquote>





	My Heavy Heart

**Author's Note:**

> I am so sorry I have no clue why I typed this darlings but I have a feeling I needed to post this. It's a bit different then what I'm used to typing and it's a bit out undefined. It's short and sweet which I'm not known for.

It was suppose to be a one of your good days he should have never walked into the bathroom with you. He should have played it safe but you both were having so much fun that he forgot.   
  
He looked at you as you stared at yourself in the mirror. He spoke softly causing you to turn and stare at him. “What’s wrong?”   
  
You just looked at him before you smiled at him. He frowned as you both stood there you always were smiling but your smiles never touched your eyes and you never answered him not that day.   
  
He has known you for years now and it was a consist battle. You’re heart and mind where encased around a heavy layered frozen metal fortress. Each time him would bombard the walls with tender words of love which were his cannon fire, gestures of kindness which were his is frontal assault, and physical comfort was his air raid.   
  
Each time he won a battle it would take him to a new layer of your being and soul. Each new layer of your heart and mind was wrapped up in new anxieties, more depression, and more sorrows.   
  
You were always teetering on the edge of depression on good days every time he was the one who would coach you off the edge a bit only to have to do it again a couple days after. If he wasn’t quick enough you would fall and fall hard.   
  
You became this pitiful weak and pathetic creature but that was under the surface of your skin no one but he saw it. He preferred you like that or a distant and hopeless because at your worse you looked the happiest. You would smile, laugh, and act like you had no care in the world and that’s how he knew it was at it’s worse. The happiest of people have the saddest of souls.   
  
He would have to fight, to climb, and to bloody himself to bring you back to the teetering edge. But there were almost good days and bad days when he was bring you back because sometimes you would kick and scream at him all the way to that edge and sometimes you came willingly you were truly happy to have him help you.   
  
But he’d rather deal with your depression then your fear of going outside.   
  
He would watch you get up three hours before you had to go anywhere morning or not. It wasn’t to get somewhere earlier at times or get ready either. You both have to pep talk you about going outside. A small bowwow fill with fear, nausea, and bone crippling stress.   
  
You would doubt him, cry, hyperventilate, and talk to yourself whole conversations in your head before you would yell at him about things he didn't say. But he’d remind you that he has never stirred you wrong and you had to trust him. He would be right by your side the whole time you were out together till either you had to go it alone do forces you both couldn’t control.   
  
It calmed you greatly then he flash you his phone saying the same thing every time. He would always be able to be reached by phone all you had to do was text him. That’s when you’d relax just enough to go out. He would never understand where your anxiety came from but it was a dark shadow that haunted you and he had to deal with.   
  
At times he question himself when it got to much. He would sit there and watch you sleep and wonder why was all this pain and aggravation worth it because he didn’t sign up for it. But when you would look at him it was with all the hope and enjoys of the world. You gave him purpose and reason to existed. How could he leave that?   
  
You held onto him so tightly because he was the only thing that ever would understand you and love you. You would tend to him like he tended to you minus the monsters. He knows you care about him, love him, and would do anything for him like he does you. As you say it everyday before you both went to sleep.  
  
He enjoyed your nights together as nights were filled with the sweet relief of being home and the depression seemed to loosen. You enjoy the nights more then the days as you loved looking out the window and staring at the stars. You both try to figure out what galaxy Alterian was in from the star clusters around earth.   
  
He does enjoy every morning when you would wake up because it’s with a real smile bad day or not. Everyday is and was decided when you go into the bathroom and look into the mirror at yourself.   
  
Day seemed like it was going to be a good day as the signs were all there. You woke up before 8:30 am and you were cuddling him, holding him as you both spoke about little things.   
  
When you both finally went to go to the bathroom you stopped and stared at the mirror when he followed you in. It was suppose to be your good day till you clenched the counter before you questioned him; “How long will the pipe piper play this sweet tune for us? How long are we going to do this for?”   
  
He looked at you before questioning; “What’s wrong?”   
  
You turned at smiled at him before it slowly turned into a frown. “Reality setting in...”   
  
You moved past him to go back to bed leaving him to stare into the mirror. He looked into the mirror with a heavy heart as when he stared into it there was no reflection back.

**Author's Note:**

> Just a little end note, I will be finishing Redglare chapter two shortly and for those who haven't seen my DA profile I'm going to be posting a new series soon as well its a Reader/Psiioniic pairing. Anyways it's chapter one will be post as soon as i'm finished editing it. So I hope to see everyone soon.


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